"A falta de pan, buenas son las tortas,"

Elvis told me.

On Saturday, V and I went to La Boca in Con-Con to surf for a few hours. We got there earlier than usual (like 10:30am) because V'd been told the surf shop would start opening earlier as summer approaches. It was still closed upon our arrival and after a few unanswered phone calls to the employees, we decided to walk down the beach and check out our rental options. We stopped by the next surf shop and they wanted to charge 7.000 pesos for each board. We had about 12.000 pesos between the two of us, so that didn't fly. (The other surf shop charges us 5.000 for each board.)

So we continued walking down the beach, towards what looked like it could be an open-air rental shop, set up between two SUVs. As we approach, we don't see any boards or wetsuits, and are about to change direction when a guy sitting on one of the SUVs starts waving at us. I ask V who it is and he hasn't a clue. Walking towards the guy, V gets a better look at his jeep and recognizing the vehicle, says, "It's Elvis." "No way!!" We only know one Elvis in Chile and he's from Pichilemu, our first surf instructor. We chat with Elvis a little. He was there with several Pichilemu students participating in a surf competition. He asked if we came to surf, and we replied that we had, but that the surf shop hadn't opened yet, so we were chilling meanwhile. "My biggest board is a 6'9 he tells me, do you want to borrow it?" To which I replied, bueno!

The board was featherlight, absolutely gorgeous, perfectly waxed, sleak, and didn't have one nick. I put my wetsuit on and grabbed the board. Wading into the ocean I remembered the last time I rented a board from Elvis in Pichilemu, when I came out of the water, there was a huge gouge in it, that I couldn't remember causing. And that board was a bit of a beater, this one was a freaking Mercedes of surfboards. I pushed that thought aside and studied the waves to figure out which one to surf. They were freaking huge, so I decided to mostly surf the espuma (foam?). (This is what is created when the waves break.) The first three times I try to catch the espuma, I crash as I'm still getting used to the shorter, narrower board, a far cry from the tanks I am used to surfing on. Finally, I get used to the board and absolutely fall in love with it. I was even able to surf a few medium-sized waves (rather than just espuma). The board was so easy to maneuver and responded really well to my movements. My thoughts changed from "I hope I don't gouge the board" to "Estos culiados me van a tener que sacar del mar, porque me enamoré y no salgo más." And then I went to ride a bigger wave and don't stand up quick enough or something. I feel myself losing control. The next thing I know I've nose-dived the board into the ocean bottom and the ocean is spinning me around like a piece of clothing in a washing machine. When I surface, I grab the really expensive board that was lent to me, to look it over for gouges. I didn't find any, thank god, and duly returned the board with a smile a mile long, after surfing one last wave. V and I then talked of going to Pichilemu this summer, and said goodbye to Elvis and crew.

The rental shop was open for business and we rented a couple of tanks to surf on and enjoyed ourselves all the same.

Afinando el español

To find the perfect definition/translation English-Spanish/Spanish-English:

1) I look it up in wordreference, and see if there are any discussions about it, i.e. "cream of tartar", or squirrel/chipmunk (ardilla listada). And at this link, borgonyon explains "Estoy de acuerdo con fenix, se le puede llamar "ardillita" en el mismo sentido que llamamos "chinos" a todos los asiáticos, más como un nombre genérico." Beautiful! ;)

2) If I want to know whether the word is Chilean or not (I've lost all perspective), I look in up in the DRAE.

3) If it's a new word or something I don't understand well, often I'll look it up in the drae, or click on the "Spanish definition" in word reference. Often, a word that is more commonly used in Spanish will have a crappy English translation, or it will have one translation when there are really like 5. This is where it's good to read the definition in Spanish.

4) Also, if there are different translations for the same word like "rebuscado" can be translated as "far-fetched", "round-about", "overcomplicated", etc., obviously it's good to understand the different meanings related to different contexts, especially when the different words are in the non-native language. Again, I'll often look up the Spanish definition of each of these words.

5) If it's a complicated thing, a concept, a medical condition, or something that might benefit from a look at wikipedia, I go there next. For instance to have another look at the squirrel/chipmunk difference, here are some links to wikipedia (this was actually more complicated than I'd imagined because there are a ton of different squirrel articles in wikipedia.):

Tree squirrel - this is the squirrel I see in Minnesota. Once I look it up in English, I then click on "Español" to see what the wikipedistas have decided is the translation. Interestingly, there is no link to Español for this one.

Squirrel (in general) - This one doesn't have the Español link either, but it does have one in Esperanto and another in Gallego.

Eastern Gray Squirrel - I believe this one inhabits Minnesota as well. Finally, I find an article with a link to the Spanish article on the sciurus carolinesis (ardilla).

Then, the moment of truth as I look up chipmunk in wikipedia. I click on the Spanish link and find tamias minimus, also called the "ardilla rayada".

So Lydia wasn't far off explaining this difference to her students, at least in relation to wikipedia. ;)

This is my translation method, that mostly works, except when there is no translation, like for the word "vogueing" for example. But then, at least we know there is no translation.

"Tengo el poto como colador"

Translation: "My ass is acting like a colander."

**Note: my ass isn't acting as a colander at this minute, I'm just posting this as a "travel tip"

Many of us gringos in Chilito have gotten food poisoning from time to time. It's to be expected. Whether the Augustian changes in weather screw you over, or you eat a typical Chilean delicacy sold in the street: canine shish-ka-bob, or you have fried fish at a market on a Sunday afternoon, or you ate the wrong piece of fruit, or your once (tea) the evening before consisted of quiche and beer, or you drank too much water right after arriving to Chile and before your body was acclimated, we all end up in the same place: at the porcelain throne.

It's a painful experience, your stomach & intestines seem to grow a mind of there own. Some of us experience this time and again, unfortunately. But we will get through. Hang in there. Have someone buy you some gatorade, and divide your time wisely between the bathroom and the bed. And if you ass doesn't stop acting as a colander in a few hours, it's time to go to the emergency room. I've got the magic pill that has kept me from the emergency room at least twice now. And some of you may have it too. It's Entero Micinovo (one of the few drugs in Chile that you need a prescription for, hehehe). A WONDER DRUG to stop the "churri-churri" as Don V (the one in the middle) calls it. hehehe. It was prescribed the first time I went to the ER at the Clinica Alemana in Valpo. And if you take it when you don't have the churri-churri, you'll probably be constipated for a month. It's that strong.

One of the sucky consequences of food poisoning is the sensitive stomach afterward. For the next week you have to watch what you eat and your diet will resemble this:

breakfast: galletas de agua con quesillo (crackers and tasteless "cheese")
té (tea)

lunch: sopa de pollo y arroz (chicken and rice soup)

dinner: galletas de agua con quesillo
té

It's an effective way to lose 5+ pounds in one week. Though I would prefer other, less painful, dieting possibilities to this one.

**If I find the "menu" or list of food that the Clinica Alemana recommended I eat for two weeks after being sick, I will post it here, as I don't doubt it will be useful to some other poor gring@.

Anyhoo, this is just one of the realities of living in the "third world".

R.I.P., and resurrected as of Aug. 26th

RIP to my fave coa/chilensis dictionary : ( : ( Here's what's left of this dictionary that once had more than 10,000 Chilean words and expressions defined.

SUCK! Or perhaps this should be in Chilensis. Puta la wea por la cresta!!!! Pero CÓMO EN MIERA?!?!? To do this post really well, I should really re-subtitle the climatical scene to La Caída (Der Untergang), but that seems like a lot of work so I'm just going to patear la perra a little bit and get on with my morning, ya que el mejor diccionario del internet se fue completamente a la xuxa. Ya no sé dónde voy a buscar los significados de toas las chuchás que escucho en la conversación cotidiana acá en Chile. como la corneta la wea del diccionario. cagó. puuuuuta. internet reculío.

Edit August 26th: Okay it's back. Yay!

Another encounter with a mime

I was heading to lunch at the little vega today. Walking, absorbed by my thoughts, I see I'm approaching two mimes, but I'm already 5 feet away when I realize this. Their "stage" is like 10 meters wide and 20 long and I'm very much on the stage with a whole crowd of onlookers watching to see how these mimes will huebearme (mess with me). Huebeando a la gente is the Chilean National Pastime, quite a fun one, when you aren't the object of the webeo.

Nothing left to do but play along. So one of them took me by the elbow, walking with me as a gentlemenly mime, then he took me by the hand. And then he stopped and exaggeratedly admired my butt. Here I saw my entrance, and I slapped him back side the head, and kept walking. Fortunately, they didn't follow me. But just as I get offstage, I think, "I should have gotten out my cellphone and taken a photo with the guy". Doh!

Check out these nifty fashion-related objects

I so want one of these, and tried to order one, but it didn't work. Which is probably better because my Chilenized ego is telling me I could sooo make one for sooo much cheaper. It may just involve a trip to Galeria Rosas. If I do manage to make one that works, I will be selling them. Hehehehe. I'll keep you posted.

This is how you use it. And they could totally try to make these be styling, embedding them with rhinestones or something.


Love these. They are sooo Cute!! I happen to have some pretty beat-up angora that may find a new end as soon as I buy my sewing machine. Because upcycling is where it's at.

So there is an English library in downtown Santiago, sort of

In an earlier post, I said downtown Santiago needs its very own English libaray. I was told that the "biblioredes" from the metro has a small collection of books in English at the Plaza de Armas metro stop. Miiiiiiitsch! So I donated a book in English, The DaVinci Code. I handed it in at Los Heroes and they will take care of getting it to Plaza de Armas. And I definitely will be checking out the English books there at some undesignated moment in the future. This should be interesting.

Edit July 26: So I went to the Plaza de Armas bibliored the other day and the only books they had in English were a couple of photography books. Mine had yet to arrive.